One Big Reason We Avoid Conversation

and why where you grew up will affect how you talk

Author

Chris Miller
July 05, 2023

An illustration of a talking bubble with the text "Social Fitness Lab" and the text "Build Better Relationships, Live a Better Life," written inside of it.

Read Time: 3 minutes

Hello! & welcome to another day where someone made the choice to officially start one of their dream projects! 🔥

Today is short - here’s what we got:

🏘️ ”We’re different.” Why many people avoid talking.

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🏘️ Communication has always been intercultural

I recently had a great conversation with Paige Freeman, a friend and a local organizational leader (you can watch it here). And, we had a blast! We started off by talking about her work, her childhood, and what inspired her to choose her career. Then, as we were talking, I had a thought bubble pop up in my head. It went like this:

What if the reason we avoid having conversation with others is because we automatically assume we’re too different from one another.

Now most of the time when thought bubbles pop up in my head, I can push them away and continue focusing on the conversation. But this thought bubble decided to get bigger and sit right in the way!

And it made me realize that Paige and I had a lot in common, but we also were very different. I am a white man, she is a black woman. I grew up in Oklahoma, she grew up in Kentucky. The list of differences goes on, yet we were still having a great conversation.

The truth is that there will always be a clash of cultures anytime we enter into conversation with someone.

Maybe you grew up in a different financial level, or maybe you have six siblings and they have 22. Again, the list goes on with how you could be different from the person you’re talking to.

And I think that this realization that you’re very different from them could result in not entering the conversation at all.

BUT (butt 🍑), just like we’re all different, we also all have things in common! If you don’t believe me than look at someone who articulated this message so well that it got him to the highest position in the land: Barack Obama! President Obama really came to the limelight with his 2004 Democratic National Convention speech (you can watch it here) where he says:

A belief that we are connected as one people. If there's a child on the south side of Chicago who can't read, that matters to me, even if it's not my child. If there's a senior citizen somewhere who can't pay for her prescription and has to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer, even if it's not my grandmother. If there's an Arab American family being rounded up without benefit of an attorney or due process, that threatens my civil liberties. It's that fundamental belief - I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper - that makes this country work. It's what allows us to pursue our individual dreams, yet still come together as a single American family. "E pluribus unum." Out of many, one.

Yet even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes. Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America - there's the United States of America. There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America. The pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and have gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and patriots who supported it. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

Barack Obama, 2004

If you didn’t read that, he basically said this: we have differences, but we are one.

I have found that focusing on what we have in common is a great way to enter conversation, navigate conversation, and decided when and how to build relationships.

I’ll go more in-depth on that later. I’m getting flashbacks from writing my thesis in grad school. If you actually read all of this - could you respond to this email? I’m curious if I should make things shorter for this newsletter or if people actually find value in longer-form content.

👨‍💻 I Got You Covered!

Thanks for reading! When you signed up for this newsletter, my promise to you was to act as your personal assistant and connect you with resources to help you improve your social fitness, become a better communicator, and have more meaningful conversations. What did you think of today's newsletter? Reply to this email and let me know what you'd like to see more of.

Thanks for reading.

See you next time!

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