Just Try to Be Quiet for a Moment

I once heard a story of a college freshman who had just finished his first year of school. After packing his dorm up, his parents came and helped him move his boxes to their car and then they rode together back to the city he grew up in.

His parents were so happy to have their son coming home, and he was so happy to be near his parents. They had a great drive. It was a long drive, over two hours, but the joy of being together after a year apart was palpable.

They barely spoke any words during the two-hour car ride.

Do you get anxiety thinking about sitting in a car full of people and sitting in silence for two hours?

They didn’t have any anxiety about this, rather, it was completely normal to them. Their Native American culture looked at silence as a symbol for solidarity, serenity, and comfort.

We often get nervous when there is silence in an interaction or a social experience. And the truth is, a lot of that is not our fault. Our culture values eloquence, being noticed, and sounding intelligent.

But that’s not the case for every culture. If you travel the world, you’ll notice some groups of people talk faster than others, some talk louder than others, and some place inflection on different parts of their speech. But what do they do when they’re not talking? Now that’s an interesting question.

There is power in silence.

Want me to prove that silence has power? Look at how you immediately get the urge to say things when silence strikes in a convo. Or the anxiety we feel when we think of a lull in the conversation. Or that helpless feeling we experience when we open up and just get silence from the other end.

Once you realize the power of silence, you recognize that it can be used as a tool. For instance, here are a few great ways to use silence.

• After you complete a presentation and then ask “what questions do you have?” That’s a great time to use silence.

• When you recognize that someone is opening up about something they’ve put a lot of thought in. Don’t interrupt or attempt to finish their sentences. LET THEM TALK.

• When you’ve been talking 90% of the time because when there’s a second of silence the other person isn’t fast enough to talk. That’s a time to give more silence. LET THEM THINK.

• When you tell a funny joke and have an awesome punch line. You should probably not talk so that the audience can go “Oh, that’s the joke 💡.” LET THEM LAUGH

But you know what prevents a lot of people from doing this? Fear.

We’re comfy with words because there’s something there, silence is the social manifestation of the unknown. It’s like a blank slate compared to a tracing, it can go anywhere.

But we must be confident in ourselves to sit in silence. You have to know that the presence of silence does not indicate a bad social experience. Silence gives birth to thinking, thinking allows people to put things together and then ultimately express them to you.

I didn’t even touch on how being silent allows us to actually LISTEN…

Anyways - go be silent with people.