Are These 4 Beliefs Causing Self-Sabotage?

The other day I was on a podcast that amplifies voices in the social impact sector. Despite having recorded 70 podcasts myself - I felt pretty nervous. I wondered what I was going to say, whether it would sound good, and why I was there in the first place.

What’s funny is that we talk ourselves out of talking to others.

Here’s four of the ways this most common happens:

1. We believe that we’re going to sound dumb.

2. We believe that everyone is thinking about US - we convince ourselves that if we stumble then people will laugh at it 2 years later.

3. We believe that we are the smartest person in the room and that what we have to say is most valuable.

4. We are analyzing everything in conversation - and reading into things that shouldn’t be read into.

Now let’s take these apart…

1. We believe that we’re going to sound dumb.

   Social embarrassment is common - it’s not just you. Know that the most dumb thing we could do is to never open our mouths at all. Our communication is our main way to relate with those around us. And the more we do it, the better we get. 

2. We believe that everyone is thinking about US - we convince ourselves that if we stumble then people will laugh at it 2 years later.

   If only we had attention and retention spans that long. Our world is a dopamine coliseum - a bloodbath where we’re bombarded by distraction. There’s a biopsych term for this called the spotlight effect. But - despite our biggest wishes or fears, the general public isn’t paying special attention to you because they’re pretty preoccupied.

3. We believe that we are the smartest person in the room and that what we have to say is most valuable. 

   Ever been in a conversation with someone like this? I’m sure we have both been this person. Conversations are cyclical and interdependent. Having a sender and receiver is NECESSARY - so you have to listen. If you don’t listen, you’re putting yourself in a really vulnerable state because you’re relying on your thought alone and inhibiting great relationships.

4. We are analyzing everything in conversation - and reading into things that shouldn’t be read into.

   Preaching to myself here. In college I thought I was the GURU when it came to human connection. I’d be in conversation looking at nonverbals, listening to pacing, and solving equations in my brain. But it wasn’t sustainable. It led me to check out of conversations rather than lean in. Give yourself a break. It’s OK to live in the moment.

Let’s continue to build up and contribute creativity to the world.

Let’s jump at opportunity and be inspired by those doing better than us.

Let’s talk to that person in the break room, ask that tough question that would improve our life, and send that message we’ve been sitting on.

Let’s be excited for this month.

I’m just a message, text, or call away.

Chris